Being a parent today

I wonder if each generation believes that it is more difficult to be a parent today than it was in the ‘good old days’. Whilst our grandparents tell us about how hard it was to be a parent during world war two, and our parents tell us of the difficulties of being a parent when there was long hair and Woodstock, to-days parents find themselves coping with adolescents through a minefield of sex, drugs and family break up.

Of course this generation of adolescents didn’t invent sex, whatever they like to think. But the rules are not the same as they once were, and each set of children and their parents have to reassess the situation and come to some agreement about where they draw the line. It is easy to say ‘that wouldn’t have happened in my day’ or ‘I would never have dared go out dressed like that’ but again each generation has to struggle for an identity and to shock the older generation. What about the Charleston? Spit curls and short skirts? Didn’t they all shock in their time? Are they so very different from hot pants, mini skirts and torn jeans kept together by safety pins?

It is not easy to be a parent, it never was and never will be. But it is not easy being an adolescent either. We all hear about greater expectations upon the young today, and certainly by looking at the number of kids who drop out of education, and even leave home, shows us that something is very wrong somewhere along the line. Peer pressure from other children means that from an early age they are nudged into a way of behaving which is often way above what they can cope with emotionally. ‘Keeping up’ with the latest fashion, whether clothes, sex or drugs becomes a very heavy burden indeed. Perhaps an even heavier one if trying to say ‘no’. Children may look more mature, but the 15-year-old going-on-27 still needs a great deal of support and input from his or her parents. Eating disorders are rampant, in boys as well as girls, and so is adolescent depression. Sadly these two major illnesses can go unnoticed and untreated.

Children are expected to cope with the break up of a family. Adults quite often will convince themselves that the children are not harmed by divorce, but that is not true, and is more about protecting the parents from recognizing the distress in their children. Even if a couple divorces, they are not divorcing the children, and need to come together at times to continue being parents.

So whether you are a new parent, or a seasoned one, each step along the way brings with it joys and anxieties about doing the right thing for your child. When pacing the floor in the small hours with a crying baby, or pacing the floor because your daughter hasn’t come home when expected, it all adds up to the same thing, parenting is a tough business and goes on for years. In one way, the little boy or girl grows up in a flash, and perhaps that is one reason grandparents love to be involved with the younger generation. They know how quickly it all goes by, and what an important job ‘bringing up baby’ is. Lucky are the parents today who can search the web and communicate with other parents who are concerned about the same issues. There is always someone to give suggestions and advice, and no one should even hold back from asking. Parenting goes on way past the nursery days, so enjoy the good times, and brace yourself for the hard times because that is what parenting is all about.